In a world of constant communication and social media, we're able to keep up with people we never see anymore. That means that it's harder than ever to let go of old friendships. As we grow and change as people, it's important to know when to end a friendship that doesn't serve you anymore — it's not healthy for your emotions and your heart to be pulled in a thousand different directions!
We talked to LMFT, psychotherapist, and author of Toxic Positivity Whitney Goodman about when an old friendship needs to end, and when it's worth holding onto. Keep reading for her best advice.
1. You've Grown Apart
When you grow apart from a friend, that relationship might no longer serve you the way that it did when your lives were still in sync.
"If a friendship is routinely and consistently taking more than it is giving, it might be time to re-evaluate the friendship," Goodman says. "As people change and grow, their values and interests also change. It’s very normal for a friendship to end or go through a change when this happens."
2. You Have Different Values
"[Ending a friendship over values] often depends on the value and its level of importance in your life," Goodman says.
Having different opinions and values doesn't automatically mean you can no longer be friends with someone, but if that difference in belief affects your daily life or your mental health, it might be time to pull the plug.
"You may have certain values that you refuse to budge on or that make it difficult to sustain a relationship. When this happens, it’s ok to end the friendship."
3. They've Become Toxic
If you have a friendship that started out great, but has evolved into something toxic instead of something life-giving, you're not alone.
"When a relationship is harming us more than it is helping us, we’re going to notice an impact in other areas of our life. It’s a lot of work to manage friendships that are draining you and impacting you negatively," Goodman says.
"You may not realize how much time you’re spending managing people’s emotions, walking on eggshells, and coordinating plans that you don’t actually enjoy. When we spend excessive time in these areas, we’re unable to focus on the other areas of our life that really matter."
When To Hold Onto A Friendship
If someone is important to you, don't feel like you have to let the friendship go just because you're in different stages of life.
"Sometimes maintaining a friendship that you’ve had for a long time makes sense even when you don’t have much in common anymore," Goodman says. "If you still have love for this person and share a history, that can be enough to maintain the friendship even if you don’t enjoy the same things. Sometimes we have to learn to allow friendships to change and evolve into different types of friendships."
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