The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI®) assessment is the most widely known personality tool in the world. It is at times also the most widely misunderstood. The MBTI framework is incredibly impactful as part of team building to improve communication, manage change, improve decision-making, and work through conflict. It can also be valuable to help family members (couples, children, siblings, parents) learn to appreciate and value the differences in each other. This is why we have seen its use as part of couple’s therapy and pre-marriage counseling, for example. The MBTI assessment is not, however, meant for selection of any kind.
Simply put, selecting who you will date or not date solely based on their MBTI assessment results – those four letters that indicate someone’s personality preferences – is not only a bad idea, it’s a terrible one. And this comes from someone who has spent the last 34 years applying the MBTI assessment and considers it life changing... but only when used the right way.
It’s important to note that our MBTI results do not indicate how much or how little of a preference we have. Instead, our preferences are just that – a preference for one side of opposites (Extraversion vs Introversion; Sensing vs Intuition; Thinking vs Feeling; Judging vs Perceiving) over another side. This recognizes that while we might have a preference for Extraversion, it doesn’t mean we can’t learn how to live on the Introverted side when situations call for it. The point here is that any personality type, ESTJ for example, can be in a very happy and fulfilling relationship with any other personality type, INFP for another example, if both people in that relationship are motivated to appreciate, honor and learn from the differences each other brings to the table.
Learning how to appreciate others requires lots of self-awareness first and foremost. Understanding our own personality type preferences in terms of how those preferences help us and how they do not is a great place to start. Getting feedback from people in our lives, especially those who are very different from us, is a good way to do this. Good type development is about staying open to what we hear/learn from others while, of course, also holding true to who we are.
So, can the MBTI assessment play some role in our dating lives? Quick answer: Sure, as long as we understand that it is a tool to help us communicate with people and not change them to be something they are not. It’s also important to mention that how the MBTI assessment helps one person when dating can be very different from how it helps another.
Here are a few dating tips to consider based on your personality type and Myers-Briggs compatibility:
ISTJ and ISFJ
People with these preferences are often described as the storehouse of important memories who take in information based on what it reminds them of the past.
Dating Tips:
- Don’t let the past rule your present dating options
- Stay open to new experiences
- Use your superpower of remembering what did and didn’t work in past dating experiences to help you with this new one
ESTP and ESFP
People with these preferences are often described as realists who take in information with a “here and now” practical and to the point approach.
Dating Tips:
- Don’t let little details get in the way of future possibilities with your date
- Stay open to people who might be a bit outside the box
- Use your superpower of experiencing what is happening in the here and now to help you communicate and connect with your date
INFJ and INTJ
People with these preferences are often described as long-term visionaries who take in information from a big picture perspective.
Dating Tips:
- Don’t start imagining what life with your date will be like in 20 years just yet
- Stay open to being in the present moment
- Use your superpower of visioning just a few future possibilities with your date to begin to gauge how your new relationship might work
ENFP and ENTP
People with these preferences are often described as enthusiastic brainstormers who take in information using a curious and creative approach.
Dating Tips:
- Don’t overwhelm your date with too many ideas
- Stay open to focusing on your date in the here and now
- Use your superpower of brainstorming all kinds of things to talk about with your date and get to know them better
ISTP and INTP
People with these preferences are often described as critical thinkers who make decisions using a “pros vs cons” approach.
Dating Tips:
- Don’t make judgements about how things are going too soon
- Stay open to finding positives instead of just negatives
- Use your superpower of analyzing what you like and don’t like about the date to help you decide on moving forward or not
ESTJ and ENTJ
People with these preferences are often described as efficient organizers who make decisions from a task-focused and objective perspective.
Dating Tips:
- Don’t try to over organize the date
- Stay open to going with the flow
- Use your superpower of organizing something special to get to know your date better
INFP and ISFP
People with these preferences are often described as values-based problem-solvers who make decisions based on how those decisions honor their values.
Dating Tips:
- Don’t assume your date will share the exact same values you do
- Stay open to new perspectives and ideas
- Use your superpower of sharing your values in life as a way to connect with your date
ESFJ and ENFJ
People with these preferences are often described as considerate problem-solvers who make decisions based on the impact those decisions will have on others.
Dating Tips:
- Don’t get too close too soon
- Stay open to being more objective than you usually are
- Use your superpower of harmonizing with others to find things in common with your date
Like this Myers-Briggs compatibility content and want more? Take the official MBTI assessment here: www.mbtionline.com.
Michael Segovia is a Principal Consultant and Certification Faculty at The Myers-Briggs Company. In his 34-year career at The Myers-Briggs Company, Segovia has conducted hundreds of certification courses on the MBTI® assessment around the world. He speaks and writes regularly on the subjects of personality type, leadership, relationships and development. He also presented a TEDx Talk reflecting on how type theory has informed his understanding of his own life’s story.
Lead photo courtesy of Pexels/Pavel Danilyuk.
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