The holidays can bring about a creeping sense of dread for those who prefer introversion. Between extra time spent with colleagues as office parties begin to return and family gatherings that can stretch into days in length, the time available to recharge the social batteries can feel vanishingly small.
The pandemic was a stressful time for everyone, but for Introverts there was one small silver lining: a reprieve from the social overload of the holidays. As parties and reunions come back, it’s a good time to take stock of the social self-care strategies to bring our best selves to our friends, colleagues, and family this season.
Introversion or Introvert?
The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is just one framework for looking at introversion, but it can form the basis of practical ideas for getting the best from holiday gatherings.
Quick recap: The MBTI assessment identifies two basic orientations for how people tend to direct and get energy. People who prefer extraversion like to focus on and get energy from the outer world of people and activity. Those who prefer introversion, on the other hand, focus on and get energy from their inner world of ideas and experiences. Introversion doesn't mean being shy or antisocial.
The MBTI looks at a preference for introversion rather than the global label of “introvert.” We all have an overall preference for either extraversion or introversion, but we can flex to the other side when we need to; sometimes we might even enjoy this. The key is that those with a preference for introversion will tend to feel drained after some level of socializing, while those who prefer extraversion get energized being around others.
It’s a good practice for those with a preference for introversion to maintain an awareness of their social battery levels, establish boundaries, and know how to find some extra juice before they go flat.
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Recharge, Don’t Withdraw
The temptation to withdraw from socializing usually comes when the social battery is critically low. Instead of waiting for the all-consuming urge to seal ourselves away, we can instead look for built-in moments to get our much-needed top-ups before we’re exhausted:
Guard Your Routines: Solitary routines at the beginning or end of the day can be important times of recharge for those preferring introversion. If you have a precious ritual at the margins of the day, try to preserve it as best you can, or build new, temporary ones you’ll treasure.
If you’re staying with family or friends in a cabin, try to get in an early morning walk—you’ll have something to discuss at breakfast. If you’re spending some days at a hotel with a hot tub, get in a late-night solitary soak you might not get at home. If you normally go to the gym at a certain time, keep taking some time to focus on your wellness. And if you need an emergency excuse for a little quiet time, a shower or a nap will probably work.
Reduce Crowd Fatigue: If you find yourself in a big holiday gathering, look for ways to break it up into bite-sized chunks. Some minutes spent washing dishes with a single compatriot can set the stage for meaningful connection and go a long way to making you ready to enjoy the party at large.
Find A Role: Many people find navigating social occasions easier if they have an assigned role or a job to do. Maybe you could be the bartender, or just checking that everyone has drinks; or perhaps you could be preparing, cooking, or serving food. Having a role to play gives you something to talk about and often also the excuse to slip away (briefly) if you need to.
Rest assured that you’re not the only one with a preference for introversion at a big holiday gathering — introverted types make up 57 percent of the global population. Even (maybe especially!) the most raucous party will have the inevitable, more restful party-within-a-party. Seek it out not to avoid, but to recharge.
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It’s Nothing New
Ever wonder what a drawing room is? It comes from “withdrawing room,” a 17th-century term for a room the host could withdraw to for some privacy away from the main event.
Offer to Run Errands: Take advantage of the sweet relief of being alone in the car after a long bout of social interaction. There are always last-minute ingredients and relatives to be picked up, offering the opportunity to recharge. The best part is, while you’re enjoying some solo time, the host will think you’re doing them a favor.
Leave Your Gift Wrapping Until the Last Minute: Excusing yourself to wrap a few more gifts offers an unimpeachable reason for a morsel of total privacy. Use this moment to reflect on the people you care for and the excitement you know is building for your gift. Maybe throw in extra minutes to journal and decompress.
Arrive First: Grandmothers around the world will tell you to put the milk in the cup before the tea. Why? Tea first and the deluge of boiling water will scald the milk. Milk first and it’ll be slowly warmed. By arriving first, you get the chance for some one-on-one time with your host and the opportunity to greet other guests individually as they arrive, avoiding greeting a deluge of friends and family as you arrive last.
These ideas are just a sampling of the options available for getting the most from holiday parties as a person who prefers introversion. We hope this was a good refresher on the need for self-care as we re-enter in-person events en masse this winter.
Ultimately, you can and should have a great time at gatherings of any size while honoring your preference for Introversion. The bottom line: Learn to manage your social battery like a pro.
John Hackston is a chartered psychologist and Head of Thought Leadership at The Myers-Briggs Company where he leads the company’s Oxford-based research team. He is a frequent commentator on the effects of personality type on work and life, and has authored numerous studies, published papers in peer-reviewed journals, presented at conferences for organizations such as The British Association for Psychological Type, and has written on various type-related subjects in top outlets such as Harvard Business Review.
Featured photo by Alena Shekhovtcova from Pexels.
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