Chances are, you vaguely remember your Sex Ed class in high school. The awkward shuffle of students into the “health” class you all know is code for sex ed. The ancient TV playing videos from the 80s of incredibly cringey (and totally out of date) lessons on the birds and the bees. Maybe they mention STIs (which were definitely still called STDs back then) and why teen pregnancy is the greatest sin on planet Earth (And it was always the woman’s fault, wasn't it?), but they were quick to gloss over sex ed for literally anyone other than heterosexual men and women. Oh, and all of this was being “taught” amidst the giggles of teenage boys, who undeniably made it uncomfortable to ask any questions (provided the genders weren’t segregated, that is).
Obviously, this isn’t a practical education for anyone in present-day society. Sex is way more complicated than anything taught in high school, and far too many people are learning about STIs, disorders, pregnancy prevention and how to actually have great sex way too late in life. We’re covering the basics for everyone — LGBTQ+ included — so you can be a more informed intimate partner.
Sex ed doesn’t end in high school. Here are 5 important tips you may have missed.
1. Tips for safer sex practices.
There are several different ways to have sex — and everyone’s preferences are different. If you’re not comfortable engaging in certain practices, remember: you never, ever have to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with. Consent is key, and just because you've consented to one doesn't mean you've consented to all. We’re going to walk you through safe sex practices for a variety of ways to have sex, so you can make informed decisions that feel right for you.
1. Anal and vaginal sex
This type of sex has the highest risk of contracting an STI or HIV. If you’re having anal sex or vaginal sex, it’s important to use internal condoms or external condoms and water-based or silicone-based lube. “Make sure that you use a different condom with each partner or when a penis or dildo/sex toy is moved between the vagina and anus,” healthcare company FOLX says. “Infections such as herpes, genital warts, syphilis, and monkeypox can be transmitted through regular skin-to-skin contact. Barrier methods such as condoms, dental dams, or latex gloves can reduce your risk of contracting these infections, but will only cover the protected area.”
2. Oral sex
Oral sex is when someone uses their mouth to stimulate the genitals of another person. With oral sex, there is a low risk of STI or HIV transmission, but it’s still possible to contract unwanted infections. “Using an external condom on a penis during oral sex can help contain body fluids such as semen, ejaculate and pre-ejaculate and reduce the risk of STI transmission,” says FOLX. “Condoms can also be used on a sex toy/dildo, especially if it was used with multiple partners without proper cleaning.”
For transgender folks, avoid oral sex if you recently got bottom surgery until you are fully healed. Anyone who has bleeding gums, mouth ulcers, a sore throat, or has gotten dental work done recently should also avoid oral sex.
3. Rimming
Rimming is when someone uses any function of their mouth around/in someone’s anus. According to FOLX, “this can function as a way to prepare for anal sex and/or as a fun, pleasurable sexual activity in its own right. Rimming has an extremely low risk for HIV, but it’s possible to get hepatitis A or bacterial infections like gonorrhea.” Reduce your risk by practicing good personal hygiene and using a barrier method like a dental dam, especially if you or your partner haven’t had a recent anal STI check.
4. Fingering
“Fingering is when someone uses their hand, finger, or multiple fingers to stimulate and penetrate their partner’s vagina and/or anus,” says FOLX. “Fingering is considered low-risk since there’s only a small chance of spreading an STI. There is a small chance that STIs can spread through fingering if you have any cuts on your hands or fingers, or if there are internal tears in the anus or vaginal tissues.” If you engage in fingering, reduce your risk by practicing good hygiene and washing your hands with soap and water, especially if you’re fingering multiple partners. You can also use latex gloves or finger condoms to cover your fingers for extra protection.
2. The lowdown on STIs.
STIs are sexually transmitted infections (AKA STDs or sexually transmitted diseases) and can be transmitted through different kinds of sexual activities. While there are dozens of unique types of STIs, common STIs to test for include gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, trichomonas, and HIV. If you’re sexually active, it’s important to be tested for STIs, especially since you may have an infection or disease that doesn’t present any noticeable symptoms.
“If left untreated, STIs can cause serious health problems, including cervical cancer, liver disease, pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), infertility, and pregnancy problems,” says thewellproject. “Having some STIs (such as chancroid, herpes, syphilis, and trichomoniasis) can increase your risk of acquiring HIV if you are HIV-negative and are exposed to HIV. People living with HIV may also be at greater risk of getting or passing on other STIs.”
For more comprehensive information, visit thewellproject.
3. STI prevention and testing.
Luckily, there are plenty of ways for us to prevent the transmission of STIs. Many people request any intimate partners to be fully tested for STIs before engaging in sex with them, which is a great way to feel safe and comfortable during sex.
Obviously, anyone with a penis is advised to wear a condom during any form of sex, especially oral, vaginal or anal. It’s a simple way to reduce the risk of both partners, which is a win for everyone. For women seeking oral sex or rimming, we recommend wearing Lorals, a FDA-cleared, wearable STI protection to keep both you and your partner safe.
Sex toys/dildos are another great way to reduce the transmission of STIs, but be sure to clean before switching between partners. When searching for the right sex toy(s), make sure they are made of body-safe materials, like medical-grade silicone. We love Bellesa’s line of sex toys because they are made from premium quality silicone, are waterproof and are USB rechargeable. Like they say, “good orgasms are a lifestyle!”
Remember: you need to test for STIs! Regularly! Fortunately, testing for STIs has (literally) never been easier. While you can be fully tested for STIs by your Primary Care Physician or OB/GYN, there are some great at-home tests if a doctor isn’t your jam. stix offers a range of vaginal and sexual test kits delivered straight to your door. We also love Cheeky Bonsai for at-home UTI testing and relief. Oh, and you can order both of these brands on Amazon. Talk about a win-win!
4. Different forms of birth control.
This ones for all the ladies out there. If you’re not looking to get pregnant now (or ever), then practicing safe sex is a MUST. If you are having sex with someone who has a penis, make sure they have a condom on. It’s seriously the simplest way to ensure there are no babies in your immediate future. In addition to condoms, birth control is the best way to ensure you’re as pregnancy-protected as possible.
You can read up on all of the different types of birth control here, and visit your OB/GYN to get started. If you don't have a doctor who can prescribe you birth control, try NURX or Hey Jane (they offer medical abortions, emergency contraception and UTI/yeast infection treatment too). A morning-after pill (AKA emergency contraception) is another way to protect yourself against unwanted pregnancy, particularly if you believe your partner ejaculated in you during recent sex. Get fast, discreet emergency contraception delivered straight to your door with Julie, or head to your local CVS or Walmart if you simply cannot wait.
5. How to have pleasurable sex.
Pleasure looks different for everyone, but there are some resources you can reference for better sex. Practical Intimacy gives great advice on how to have incredible sex as a woman, but really, the tips are simple. Give yourself time to get aroused, engage your whole body and your mind, let go of the pressure to orgasm, ask for what you want and make sure your partner is seeking to please you, too. Sex should never be one-sided, and we should all seek to close the orgasm gap, one mind-blowing orgasm at a time.
If you need tips on where to start, we highly recommend watching Angel Ardito’s TikToks. Her tips are informative, practical, and sure to make you (and your partner) much happier people.
And remember: you are way sexier than you think! Negative self-talk deserves no place in your mind or your bedroom, so get it out of there!
This is just the basics of sex ed, and we’re guessing it’s probably more than you ever learned in school. Educating yourself is imperative to engaging in safe sex, so do your research, figure out what’s comfortable for you, vocalize your needs and most of all — have fun.
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Header image courtesy of Rachel Wakefield.
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