It’s a pretty well-known fact that you shouldn't tell your friend that you dislike their partner. It just generally doesn't go well. Maybe you don’t think they're good enough for your bestie. Or you notice the largest, most prominent red flags known to womankind. Or they simply smell god-awful. Whatever the reason, figuring out what to do if you don't like your friend's significant other can be incredibly tough. You’re not alone though — there are many people who dislike their bestie’s partner, for a Herculean list of reasons.
Discovering the why behind your disdain for them is key to preserving your relationship with your BFF. After all, no one likes to be told they're wrong, or feel like they're stupid for making a misjudged decision. We’ll be honest with you — things can get very real, very fast, and your friendship will definitely be put to the test, but you don't have to sign away years of friendship over it.
Here are our best tips on what to do if you hate your BFF’s partner, from getting past first impressions to approaching your friend with real concerns.
1. Make sure it’s not about anything else.
Look, no judgment, we’ve all been there, but really examine if there’s any jealousy going on. Your dislike for their partner could come from discomfort within, whether it be from sour past relationships or feelings of being left behind. Both are valid, but have nothing to do with their partner.
2. Get past first impressions.
We’ve all heard the adage “You have seven seconds to make an impression,” but some people need a little more time. People make bad first impressions all the time, and it’s not always a sign of anything sinister. People get hangry, stressed, overworked, etc. and aren’t at their best sometimes — and that’s okay. Unless something truly egregious has already happened, try to give this person a few chances before you decide to write them off completely.
3. Don’t catastrophize.
Just because they’re dating doesn’t mean they’re getting married and moving across the country and having four kids and getting a goldendoodle! Think of all the people you’ve dated and ask yourself how many of those you’ve married and moved across the country and had four kids and a goldendoodle with. We’re guessing it’s probably not that many. There’s a good chance that if you wait it out, you’ll be the last person standing.
4. Maybe they annoy you because they're like you.
Ever meet someone you really can’t stand only to later realize they’re just a more extreme version of you? Yeah. That could be happening here. Your friend likes you and your personality just like they like them and their personality. Maybe there’s some overlap — just maybe.
5. Don’t say anything you’ll regret, even if they break up.
We’re not saying don’t say anything ever under any circumstances. Obviously, if this person is abusive, that’s different. But if they’re just not your cup of tea, perhaps you find them kind of annoying and you two frankly wouldn’t be friends if you met at random, there’s no need to ruin a good thing for your bestie. Constantly berating your friend with everything you dislike about their partner gets old, fast.
Even after they break up, match their energy before digging deep. If your BFF was deeply in love and their partner broke it off, consider refraining from telling them how horrible their partner was. If your friend broke it off and is seething, match them and feel free to lay it all out.
6. Focus on your friend.
If you don’t like this person because you think your friend deserves better, the best thing you can do is spend your energy helping them build their self-confidence and sense of self-worth. Recognize that this is a journey they have to go on by themselves and they will only move on when they want to. All you can do is show them how much you love and appreciate them.
No matter what, having a friend date a person you don't like is hard. But think of it as a cannon event of sorts — it will likely happen at some point, and you get to decide how it dictates your future. All that matters is that you show your BFF all the love in the world, despite their seemingly questionable choice in a partner. It'll be hard, but worth it.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.
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Header image courtesy of CW.
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