I didn’t realize how relatable the Friends theme song was until I turned 22. “Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s DOA” pretty much sums up different parts of my 20s thus far. In fact, ever since I finished college and turned my tassel (in the middle of a global pandemic no less), chaos has seemed to follow me.
I’m type-A, measured, and love keeping to a schedule (typical eldest daughter behavior), but I also have the feral enthusiasm that comes with identifying both as a member of Gen Z and as a fangirl. Which means that as animated and excited as I can get, when I make a plan, that plan comes to fruition exactly the way I need it to...usually. But if there's anything that my favorite stories have shown me, it's that life rarely go according to plan.
What Is A Fangirl?
Merriam-Webster defines fangirl as "a girl or woman who is an extremely or overly enthusiastic fan of someone or something." But can you really be overly enthusiastic about something? There is so much darkness in the world right now that if something brings you joy, why not use your entire heart to celebrate it?
Conversations and controversy surrounding fangirls swelled over recent years, especially as TikTok and Twitter continue to make it even easier to talk about your favorite topics. Headlines discuss everything from The Social Power Of Fangirls to Why Sexism Drives Fangirl Shaming.
Using fandom or emotional connection to belittle another person reduces the idea of being a fangirl down to someone who's blindly obsessed with a variety of random movies, books, or bands. But it is so much more layered and complicated than that.
The Chronicles of Narnia taught me about courage and kindness. The MCU taught me to believe in myself. Little Women taught me about sisterhood. Taylor Swift taught me about romanticizing every part of life. Shadow And Bone and The Last of Us taught me to look for the light when life feels too dark to go on.
These stories made my life, my worldview, and my understanding of other people's lives so much richer.
Applying The Fangirl Mentality To Life
The fangirl mentality means that I try to have a “good for the plot” approach to life. This is a part of the viral TikTok main character mindset, where you look at your life as a television series and attribute any missteps as something that would make your audience laugh, gasp, or talk about — the same way that we gossip about our favorite shows.
Embracing the chaos of life goes hand in hand with Chaos Theory, and the understanding that the world around us is, and will continue to be, unpredictable. By accepting that life overall will continue to surprise us, we're able to hold our own plans with a looser grip — and approach life with more fun.
I have a running list on my phone of funny quotes that I overhear, and am constantly telling stories of how I tripped up the stairs in a subway station, flailing my elbows like a bird because my hands were occupied, or almost got hit by a cab in the pouring rain.
As funny as it can be to talk about that chaos, there's something that feels extra confusing when making mistakes in your 20s. Your mess-ups can have more drastic consequences than ever before, and there's a self-imposed pressure to act like an adult even though you still feel 16.
Leaning into the mistakes we make is important because they serve as a reminder that we’re not perfect, and no milestone or age will change that. After you mess up, your brain moves slower and more intentionally when making a decision, allowing it to absorb the information around you more thoroughly. This means that making mistakes can challenge and strengthen your brain.
And that's another wonderful thing about growing up with my favorite characters: they make a ton of mistakes in their '20s.
Mia Thermopolis falls into a fountain during a royal garden party in The Princess Diaries 2, while almost all of Jane Villanueva's best efforts in Jane the Virgin go hilariously wrong. None of our favorite Friends know what the heck they're doing throughout the first season. Or second. Or third.
Engaging with your favorite shows and movies and looking to the characters' inspiring traits can make your internal life — your imagination, your empathy, and your thought processes — stronger. But according to a study from Oxford Academic, it can also affect your physical life — your attitude and your behavior — because of the way it strengthens the overlap between self and others in your brain.
Growing Up And Moving Forward
I recently interviewed early 2000s icon Ashley Tisdale and she had some wonderful advice about surviving your 20s. "I think the twenties are just so much fun," she says in the interview. "It's wild and crazy, and you're dating, and you're learning who you are, and who you can be with, and what you want."
And just like my favorite sitcoms (and Ashley), I’m trying to embrace the chaos. Living as a 20-something writer in New York City is something I dreamt of for so long that even the setbacks still have a magical edge to them. There are times — like when I come out of the subway listening to Taylor Swift surrounded by skyscrapers, or when I sit with my friends in the park — that feel like they're also part of a script, that they're too good to be true.
When I moved away from home, it really did feel like a series finale where one of the characters got their own spinoff. I said goodbye to the only state I’d ever lived in and the people that knew me better than I know myself. There was a strange mix of thrilling anticipation and terror that I had never felt before.
Naturally, to give myself some confidence, I also came up with a name for the aforementioned spinoff (Next Life) as well as picked out the theme song (“Be With You” by The Belonging Co. and Lauren Strahm). Just like the perfect cocktail, your 20s is all about finding the right balance between different elements in your life. There's definitely some of that chaos, but there's also pure fun. Because the world is so dark, and life can be so hard, I like to sprinkle a little bit of that fun magic where I can.
I'd recommend giving yourself a theme song and adopting a "good for the plot" mentality — it might just help you embrace the unpredictability in your own life.
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Lead photo by Warner Bros. Television
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